somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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