hotel room ftw
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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