Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
