hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
