And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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