Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
