just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
