you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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