Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
