I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
