Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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