so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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