I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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