Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
