i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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