If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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