i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
