I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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