dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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