Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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