Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
