I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
