And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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