So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize