next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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