Will you blow on my dice?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
