Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize