I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
