I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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