Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ttyl tear gas
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
