i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
