In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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