Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
