i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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