i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
