but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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