I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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