If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
