i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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