i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
