Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
