So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
