apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
