I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My balls are so social today.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
