I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she pinky promised me she was 18
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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