So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
