I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize