ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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