I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
