Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
