I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
