I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize