so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
