In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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