Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
