I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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