You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
